I cannot believe I haven't blogged in a year and a half!! I pretty much forgot about my blog until recently and for some odd reason I have the itch to blog again. I don't think anyone is going to read it which is awesome because I'm not really blogging for people to read anyway. It's just going to be a boring..very text based blog that allows me to rant.

I look at my last post back in November 2008 and SO MUCH has happened since then it's crazy. Back then I would never have imagined what the next year and a half could possibly bring me. It's been a year and a half of really great times that I want to hold onto forever and really horrible times that I just want to leave behind me and never have to think about again. I guess with the beginning of blogging again, it can mark yet another chapter in my life. This post will just be a quick summary of how things are and I'll go into detail about certain areas later down the track.

On one hand it's kind of sad that I haven't blogged throughout the past year and a half but there's a part of me that is so thankful I didn't because there's a large chunk that I'd rather had never happened and don't need to be reminded about.

So where am I at now? I'm certainly a different person to the Pris a year and a half ago. Different for the better in some areas, and different for the worse in other areas.

My walk with God looks so different now, my view of God has changed and more and more I've come to find the realness of Him in my life. One and a half years later and I am so much more assured of who I am in God. I am not defined by the ministries in which I serve, I am not defined by the people who are in my life...however both are still extremely important to me. As my walk with God deepens, I have also become more aware of the reality of spiritual warfare. Everyday is a battle. Everyday there's a devil who wants to pull you away from your connection with God. Everyday you battle against your own mind and flesh. However, there's a God who has already fought my battles and won the victory for me. I guess one thing God has really been challenging me on recently is do I really know what it is to claim victory in Christ and what would life look like if I did? (maybe I'll go on about it in another post).

In terms of ministry, I've come such a long way. I'm more certain now that my calling is worship than I was a year and a half ago. I'm now looking after the worship ministry of Blue Sky, leading worship in WIC and leading worship at Kingdom Kids. I've grown so much in my understanding the role and importance of corporate worship and worshipping God through singing, mainly through the opportunites I've been given to serve and through revelations that God has been giving me along the way. Ministry is a challenge. I think I'm beginning to see how challenging ministry is this season in a way I haven't noticed before (for another post). I'm just starting to head the worship ministry in Blue Sky now and I'm stil totally freaking out about it because I feel so inadequate but at the same time I'm really excited because I know God is going to teach me so much during this time. God has placed a massive vision on my heart and it's a vision that many other people have been receiving for the year and I am so excited to see it unfold. I'll share my vision in another post but to sum it up: it is so see Blue Sky celebrating the freedom that they have in Christ, worshipping our God in Spirit and in Truth. HUGE vision but I believe God is really shaking Blue Sky at the moment and calling us to holiness, obedience and true spirirtual worship.

With my course, I'm absolutely loving pharmacy at the moment (and that's saying something if i can say I love my course even though i have exams in half a week). I'm excited yet absolutely terrified about the next couple of years. I think I've come to accept that this is all up to God now in terms of where He wants me and I have no control over it anymore. Whether it is in hospital, community, a rural or urban setting that God wants me...He has closed and opened doors in all of those areas this year and I'm learning that I have to hold it all with an open happen knowing that I believe in a God who gives and takes away because He knows me, loves me and just wants the best for me. I'll be starting work soon at a new pharmacy and I'm really looking forward to it because I'll finally get to use what I've learnt in uni to earn some money and develop my knowledge and skills =)

In terms of relationships, I think that area has brought with it joy at times yet so much grief and hurt at other times in this past year and a half. I hate how my life turned into such a drama, I've hated it so much and I guess you could say I'm completely exhausted. I feel like I've slowly been able to close the chapter after a year and a half and start a new one. Yep, I'm being optimistic and saying this is a new chapter in terms of relationships. I have no idea what the content of this chapter is going to be but all I know is that I want to do it God's way and no other way. I want to hear from God and let His voice be the one that guides me. He is slowly showing me one baby step at a time. I'm more commitment phobic than ever but I think God is in the process of slowly changing that. I'm trusting God with this and I'm trusting that He will make the way. God please take away the fear in me. The past few months I've felt like I've been living according to the expectations of others, living according to what others thinks is best and being so conscious of what others may think of me. It reached a point where I completely lost sight of God. I completely lost sight of why I had chosen to walk the path I was walking...was it to please man or to please God? It was definitely the former. I can't say I've completely broken out of the struggle but I felt rather convicted last night. We had leader's prayer meeting and during that time God spoke to so many people about listening and obeying His voice rather than the voice of man. I was so shocked because it was so timely for me. I've taken a deep breath, taken a step back and my eyes have fixed themselves back on God. I still feel like I'm living my life trying to please people at times but I think I've progressed from where I was a couple of weeks ago and realised that I just need to walk according to how God leads me. It's not about pleasing people at the end of the day. It's getting easier and it's so much nicer to be at a place where you can hear His voice and see His hand at work in your life. Maybe I am just being optimistic but I've feel like God has released me from the last chapter of my life that was holding me down so much.

Okay..I'm done for now. Time to go back to study. I shall post during another procrastination session =)